The Denial Twist
by fauxtr0t
Summary: Gray knew what he had to do - he wasn't that dim-witted - moreover what he should do, but he…he couldn't just bring himself to do it. At the end of the day, it was better for the both of them if he just distanced himself, just left things as they were. Gruvia.
1. Chapter 1

**Title**: The Denial Twist  
><strong>Rating<strong>: T (for now)  
><strong>Summary<strong>: Gray knew what he had to do; he wasn't that dim-witted, moreover what he should do, but he…he couldn't just bring himself to do it. At the end of the day, it was better for the both of them if he just distanced himself, just left things as they were. Gruvia. 

Ah, yes, I know - I am still writing the second chapter of Auxilium, don't want to get ahead of myself, right? I had this little ditty sitting gathering some cobwebs and finally decided I should post it. It'll be either a two or three-shot, depending on how I feel about the next chapter, and while it is rated 'T' right now, my intentions are most definitely to have it end in a lemon, because I'm a dirty sack of smut-loving trash. I wrote this story because I thought it was time people stopped ragging on poor Gray for not coming clean about his feelings towards Juvia - there needed to be some sort of inner-feud happening, so this was my way of making sense of it.

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><p><strong>Disclaimer<strong>: Fairy Tail, its respected characters and its plot are all sole property of Hiro Mashima. Any resemblance to other pieces of literature or fiction, whether published online or on paper, is purely unintentional and merely coincidental. Any quotes or references used will be sourced either immediately or at the end of the chapter in the order that they appear.

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><p>"A lot of people get confused and they bruise real easy when it comes to love –<br>they start puttin' on their shoes and walking out and thinking,  
>'Boy, I think I've had enough.'"<p>

_The Denial Twist_, The White Stripes.

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><p>Gray Fullbuster was absolute <em>shit<em> at expressing his emotions.

This wasn't anything new though, was it? Gray himself was well aware of his own character flaws; he didn't need to be reminded of them, especially by a nagging subconscious. Staring into the untouched mug of beer before him, the Ice Make Mage groaned audibly, grimacing as the noise echoed against Fairy Tail's hall. Thankfully for him, it was nearing the end of the calendar year. Winter hadn't exactly begun as of yet, but it was steadily approaching – you could tell simply by the chilled air that swam in every time someone barged through the guild's incessantly swinging door.

As all years previous to this one, everyone had wanted to make as much spending cash as possible before the holidays rolled around. It was only fair – vacations to visit family members, …presents to _buy_ for said family members – Fairy Tail always got uncharacteristically quiet around this time as people began taking on more and more missions to line their pockets. In addition, requests seemed to die down around the holiday months – it was in a member's best interest to rack as many missions up as they could.

The young man groaned, slouching down until his chin rested the bar's polished lacquer top, arms crossed in front of him, mindful of the still-full beer mug. You see, the thing was, Gray had absolutely no issue when it came to expressing his opinion – especially his distaste – to anyone. Friend or enemy, he didn't discriminate. So, then, why was it that his real, raw emotions were so impossible to get across? Not only just verbally, but even in his mind attempting to reconcile…attempting to _solidify_ the way he felt, caused such a degree of inner conflict and pain, that it was better to just squash any real emotions he harbored. Pretending they didn't exist proved easier than admitting how he actually felt – to himself or to anyone else around him.

When he was younger and had originally joined Fairy Tail, Erza herself had chastised Gray on multiple occasions, reminding the boy that if he didn't talk about his feelings nobody would know how to help him. Really. _Erza_. Of all people – it was comical to remember these moments in the present day, especially considering her reaction whenever someone even mentioned Jellal's name, let alone Crime Sorcière.

During Erza's seemingly endless chastising, little Levy would usually peep up from her corner, chirping out some psychological bullshit from one of the books she had been reading, suggesting that Gray's stripper tendencies were a side-affect stemming from a lack of self-awareness and emotional-connection. This was then, naturally, followed by Natsu cracking some sort of joke at Gray's expense, Lisanna flailing to cover Natsu's loud-ass mouth (and failing miserably), and finally, Mira slyly interjecting a backhanded comment to agitate Erza – all because Gray refused to acknowledge how sad he had really been about Ur's passing.

And you know what? Fuck it. Fuck 'em. So what if Gray didn't express himself the way others did? He had his Ice Make magic as a means to express himself, and that was good enough for him. He had friends. He had…he had people who appreciated him, despite the fact it was incredibly difficult

So, why was he feeling so agitated right now? Why was his own existence tormenting him on some grand, overly exaggerated scale?

"Gray! Why the long face tonight? Don't tell me you're missing your friends…" Mira's voice piped up from her usual spot as she wheeled a pulley full of inventory and kegs towards the shelves lining the Fairy Tail bar. Even Cana had left on a job, leaving just enough time for the Mirajane and Kinana to replenish their stock.

The bar maid did have a point, though – Natsu, Lucy, Erza, and Happy had all been out on missions for what seemed like eons (well really, their absence had barely breached a week). Funny enough, you would have assumed that Team 'Natsu' wouldn't have been complete without him, but this time around it was Natsu, Lucy, and Happy that had all taken one job request ('_**one male, one female only – PLEASE!**_') while Erza had opted to take on a solo mission – leaving Gray all alone.

Now, don't get him wrong – Gray Fullbuster wholeheartedly enjoyed his alone time. In fact, he reveled in it. He _cherished_ it, especially as it came around so rarely that there wasn't any room for him to feel anyway other than elation towards it.

That was, until a certain damned water mage had been thrown haplessly into the mix.

There was always a catch, wasn't there? And it always had to be _her_. Mavis, don't mistake Gray's frustration with himself for hatred towards the poor girl – if anything, after they had returned from the Grand Magic Games, she had been nothing but pleasant (excluding the whole bread debacle, among a few other moments here and there). It was obvious that she would continue to fawn all over him, but in the past month or so Gray had…really begun to enjoy her presence.

Ugh.

"I guess you could say that," he huffed to Mira, eventually pulling himself up to take a swig, finally, of his beer.

"Awe," Mirajane gushed, putting away the last of the kegs, "I know you and Juvia had gotten close recently…its sort of sweet seeing you miss her like this."

AUGH! No – what really had the young man annoyed was that Juvia Lockser, that same damn water mage, had been plaguing his mind since she left approximately 32 hours ago with Gajeel, and it just wasn't fair. They had gotten closer recently, yes, this was true, and Gray wouldn't deny this – he had begun to actually anticipate Juvia's company in a strangely cathartic sort of way. Between their regular lunch dates (**NOT** romantic dates…just…friend dates…), hanging out together at the guild, going for their daily walks – not to mention the odd mission they would take every so often – Gray Fullbuster had found a new, strange appreciation for Juvia and their 'friendship'. Not only was she an excellent listener when she wasn't being such a…a Juvia, but the duo could easily sit, or walk, in comfortable silence with each other for what seemed like hours on end (though Gray knew that Juvia would steal casual – all right, not so casual – glances at him consistently throughout these times). While the girl was still prone to outbursts (one of these damn days she would quit calling Lucy her love rival, Gray was certain of it) those outbursts had eventually become sparser and sparser as the weeks crept on.

Oh, and their _conversations_.

As the weather began to cool down, the days becoming shorter and the nights waning longer, Gray found himself, on more than one occasion (read: every night) walking Juvia back to Fairy Hills, only to end up sitting with the water mage outside of the building, just talking.

That's it.

_Talking_.

_**Alone**_.

With _Juvia_ of all people.

Caught between the solid earth and the empty night, they talked – well, Gray talked, Juvia listened, but sometimes she would pipe up, delivering a dose of thoughtful wisdom or a supportive quip that seemed to continually take Gray by surprise. He had been able to open up to her, to anyone for that matter, about so much for the first time in a long ass time, and she sat there with him, sharing what she felt she could. It had especially progressed in the past week or so without the rest of their friends hanging around, asserting their dominance in conversation or picking unnecessary fights – and now, Gray found he was actually missing the damn girl.

Mavis, and he had acted so callous when she told him she was leaving for that damn mission! Any normal, warm-blooded male mage would have sucked it up and given the damn girl a proper goodbye – hugged her at least, right? Wished her luck with maybe even…maybe even kissed her on the cheek? No. No cheek kissing. Never. Smiled at her, maybe, at the very least? Any guy with guts, any guy with a fuckin' brain, would have been a half-decent human being and confronted what he was feeling towards a girl and accepted that he would miss her while she was gone.

Nope. Gray just had a glorious tendency of fucking it all up, didn't he?

Juvia had left only after waiting for an eternity for Gray to say goodbye to her. True, it wasn't anything strenuous if the posting was anything to go by – nothing overtly dangerous, it was a Normal-classed mission despite the caste preference ('_**TWO MAGES, PREFERABLY S-CLASS, NEEDED TO HEAVILY GUARD FRAGILE INVENTORY EN ROUTE TO HARGEON MUSEUM**__'_) with the posting price of 400,000 Jewel – but it required an overnight stay, that much Gray could tell, and for some reason he just couldn't bring himself to do much more during their goodbye than a clap on the poor girl's back and an all-too casual,

"Well, good luck. Keep your guard up. See ya."

Before Juvia could react – or before Gray could even catch her reaction, really – he had spun around on his heel and sped-walked back to the guild, nearly sprinting through the doors, sweat pouring down his face with shaking fingers unbuttoning his coat.

Agh, fuck! Even remembering that now, even though it had been nearly two days, Gray still cradled his head in his palms, cringing painfully at the flashback.

'_Stupid, stupid, stupid, _stupid_!'_

What if she got hurt? What if she got seriously injured, or even worse, what if she just never came back? What if Juvia never came back to Fairy Tail again, all because Gray's parting words to her were _keep your guard up_?! _See ya_?! Just who the _fuck_ was he?!

How ironic too that there had been a moment in time where Gray might have secretly wished she didn't come back – only for a moment, mind you, and only because maybe Natsu would shut up about the damn bento box lunches.

No doubt about it, the skies had almost instantaneously become overcast Gray had said his goodbyes, the air heavy with the thick promise of rain.

It…it just wasn't that easy. Gray knew what he had to do; he wasn't _that_ dim-witted, moreover what he _should_ do, but he…he couldn't just bring himself to do it. At the end of the day, it was better for the both of them if he just distanced himself, just left things as they were. Just…did that whole 'friends' thing. Juvia's emotions, despite having been reeled in as of late, still had the tendency to overflow for Gray in a way he knew he could never reciprocate. Juvia, for all she was and all she had been, was in tune with her emotions – she was as tempestuous as the skies, as the ocean her body mirrored – and that was something Gray almost envied. He would never, could never, be the ocean.

"You know," Mira piped up once again, launching Gray out of his bubble of self-contempt, "it's really okay to miss people, Gray." The barmaid took her leave from behind the bar, busying herself with some dishes that had been soaking in the back.

Gray glanced around soaking in his surroundings and ensuring that nobody had noticed his multiple outbursts. Sure, Erza had taken it upon herself to confront him, but… Was it so painfully obvious to everyone else around him? Was it really such a big deal that he had left himself, and Juvia, in this limbo of 'will they, won't they'?

A roll of thunder echoed in the distance.

The downpour that followed shortly answered for him.

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><p><strong>Notes<strong>: Loved it? Hated it? Disagree completely? Fervently nodded so hard whilst reading you got motion sickness? (my apologies if this actually did happen). Let me know! Constructive criticism is always welcome, while ideas and theories are always delicious to read and consider!


	2. Chapter 2

Thank-you all for the wonderful reviews! You've all been so kind! I know I'm updating this before Auxilium, but I had wanted to finish this before the New Year commences. Auxilium's fourth chapter will probably be up in January. I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season, and a very happy Christmas/Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Festivus, whatever you may celebrate! Next chapter this story will be changing from a 'T' rating to a 'M' rating, just a heads up.

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><p><strong>Disclaimer<strong> is located on the first chapter.

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><p>"So what, somebody left you in a rut<br>and wants to be the one that's in control?  
>But the feeling that you're under can really make you wonder,<br>how the hell she can be so cold."

_The Denial Twist_, The White Stripes.

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><p>Juvia Lockser was absolutely wretched at expressing her emotions.<p>

Some might say that she was just as torrid and evocative as the rainstorms her body mirrored. It was unfortunate though, because to Juvia this was everything that she disliked about herself. In her mind, Juvia Lockser saw all of this…all she represented…as a heavy, rain-sodden burden.

However, Juvia also knew that deep down inside, she had really good, beautiful qualities. She was caring, loyal, sweet – maybe she'd even go as far as to say she was very easygoing (when she wanted to be) – a vast difference from the person she had been all of those years prior to Tenrou island. Juvia knew she had changed, really, for the better. She woke up smiling, and went to sleep peacefully at night, no longer waking up in the early morning hours to phantom screams and horrible, awful terrors.

The only problems she seemed to encounter, however, arose when she was in the immediate vicinity of one Gray Fullbuster.

Juvia became so impassioned by his very presence, so enveloped in his mere _being_, that she could do anything but calm herself. The heat would pool in her cheeks, and suddenly it would all come flashing back to her in an unraveled reel of film – him saving her, grasping her body, pulling her close to his chest, his warmth, the sunshine catching the raindrops in his hair, the heat…

However, she had thankfully trained herself as of late to settle down…well, sort of. She was working on it, really.

Every time the little voice would coo in her ear, every time she would actually catch him painting her over with his eyes, Juvia would squash the want…no, the _need_ she had, to burrow herself against him. She had done such a good job of really trying to compress her overpowering adoration…hadn't she? Her and Gray had…they had been really getting along! Truly getting along! Nobody could tell her any different, especially not as he had begun to walk her home each night. His sweaty palms would brush against hers as if he had wanted to lace their fingers together, and Juvia was in absolute euphoria every single time. The water mage was perfectly fine with the gesture, despite the burst of adrenaline and roaring anticipation that sparked in her veins, but Gray, much to her chagrin, would immediately retract his hand after the contact. It was different than their unison raids, this contact – different from a battle.

What had she done wrong, though?! Was she really that repulsive, that heinous, that even as Gray noticed himself letting her break past his barriers, he still didn't want anything to do with her?!

They were friends now! Juvia could say that with the utmost confidence…they went on missions! Not just any average ones – but real, dangerous missions! Missions that were vastly different from the ones she took with Gajeel, or the ones that he took with their guild mates. Missions where they shared a tent, missions where they had seen parts of each other one could only see during those times, missions where she had saved him and vice versa. For so long she had felt the seeds of jealousy spring in the pit of her stomach as she watched Gray and team Natsu leave together so many times, until finally he had approached her with a job request one day. That was when Juvia knew. She knew deep down he thought of her as a valuable ally, something more than just a girl that would cling to his arm.

So, why oh why did he just loathe _everything_ about her?!

"Are you seriously still beating yourself up over that damn ice pick?" Gajeel grunted out in exasperation.

They had been traveling on foot back to Magnolia for several hours now, stopping only for bathroom breaks, and once for food. The mission had been simple enough – escort some pricey trinkets to a museum in Hargeon, rub shoulders with elite collectors and mages – basic stuff. While the journey itself was so simple, so average, and oh so short, it wasn't until the museum curator unpacked the boxes revealing several vases made from solid, thick jade stone, that the two realized why the curator had been so adamant about the mage's class specifications.

"Makes sense," Gajeel had murmured low enough only for Juvia to hear as they watched the curator study the pieces, "these look like some pricey decorations."

Juvia nodded to appease her friend, despite still feeling absolutely rotten inside. She had stalled her tears when they reached Hargeon, but was still guilty of the occasional sniffle and stray tear.

Apparently, the vases were worth much more than the duo could even fathom – the curator went on to offer them a place to stay at his personal residence for the night, as well as tickets to the museum's upcoming spring Gala, where the vases would be set on display.

"It's the least I could do for such an attractive couple!" He clapped them both heartily on their shoulders (to which Gajeel very obviously disliked) despite the fact that he was even shorter than the five-foot-five Juvia.

"Juvia and Gajeel-kun are not, er, 'together'," Juvia offered to the curator, "but both thank-you graciously for the kind offer! We'll be sure to come back, won't we Gajeel-kun?"

"Yeah, whatever," Gajeel groaned, stretching out his arms over his head, offering a 'thanks' as the curator placed their payment in Juvia's open palm.

Clearly, he had been well over this mission the second that they had set foot in the museum's private carriage at the very beginning, and Juvia didn't blame him – they had originally assumed they would be, if anything, walking alongside the carriage, and unlike the rest of his body, Gajeel's stomach was not iron made.

Looking back on it, Juvia had wished that they had opted to take a train back to Magnolia – all she wanted to do was just go back to her apartment as quickly as possible and burrow underneath her bed covers until everything felt better again. She was horrified at the prospect of seeing Gray, but at least that was the silver lining to the strict rules of Fairy Hills – no boys allowed. The night they stayed at the curator's mansion had been lavish, but Juvia had barely slept a minute, and was up at the crack of dawn, begging Gajeel to leave.

Rejecting the Curator's offer to take his carriage, Gajeel insisted this time around that they walk, citing that it was too flashy for him. She had offered taking the train, but Gajeel grumbled that he wanted to save their funds for more important things than public transportation. Juvia knew it was because of his motion sickness, but she just went along with it. Not to mention, the water mage had _finally_ stopped moping around like a wet, stray kitten, leaving clear skies and mild sunlight, despite the bite of winter edging its way in.

Juvia didn't mind the cold, though. It was when the small tufts of snow began to fall that her disposition began to darken once more.

"Gajeel-kun," she murmured, "is Juvia a burden?"

She knew she was being difficult – she had probably been the biggest inconvenience towards her poor friend for the entirety of this mission, and while self-deprecation wasn't Juvia's style these days, she just felt anything but confident in herself since they had left.

"You are anything but a burden, kid," Gajeel sighed, stalling in his steps several paces ahead of her, "I've told you every single hour, on the hour, since we left the damn guild yesterday,"

Juvia stopped beside him, looking up at the snow as it swam through the sweet afternoon air.

"That egotistical piece of shit doesn't understand what he's missing out on – obviously he's not enough of a man to admit he has feelings for you, that ain't your fault in the slightest. He knows how you feel and he fuckin' pussed out. Now," Gajeel turned back to face the path ahead of them, "c'mon, we're only a few hours outside of town."

Juvia nodded, sniffling and following behind her friend, Magnolia's skyline looming in the distance.

.

"What do you think's up there?" Gray nodded his head towards the wide expanse of the night sky resting above them. They had just gotten back from a quick job request and had been drinking at the guild before Juvia decided she was ready to head home – she was to leave with Gajeel the following morning for Hargeon, anyway. Gray, being the gentleman he was ('_I guess I'm ready to go as well_._'_), offered to walk her back to her apartment at Fairy Hills ('_It's on my way._'). However, as they neared the complex, Gray had stopped and sat in the grass, motioning for Juvia to follow in suit. Despite his aversion to the cold, Gray had still left his pants and shirt on in the chill of the night, only shrugging off his jacket (which Juvia happily picked up as it was discarded).

"Up…in the sky?" Juvia looked up, mesmerized by the twinkling lights. There wasn't a single wisp of a cloud, an entire galaxy laid bare.

"Yeah, like," Gray took a sip from the bottle of ale he had brought with him on the walk, "obviously there are stars, that's a given. Comets, meteors…but…what about beyond that?"

Her initial reaction was to ask him if he was feeling okay. While it was clear he had been drinking since they returned, the mission itself had been rather stressful and if she weren't in the company of Gray (as well as wishing to prolong it), Juvia would have snuck off to her bed some hours ago – Gajeel had insisted they leave as early as humanly possible for their job tomorrow as well, and Juvia knew how her friend hated to be kept waiting. Things hadn't gone as smoothly as they would have liked, and Juvia noticed that Gray had been a little…off since they had returned, certainly not his usual self in the slightest.

"J-Juvia hasn't really…considered that," she crossed her legs tightly and glanced over at Gray's profile, "why? What does Gray-sama think is up there?"

Gray paused, the lip of the bottle barely a whisper from his own, before he took another hearty gulp, finishing off the contents.

"What do you think happens when we die?"

_Oh_.

"A-ah…" Juvia laid her hands in her lap, smoothing down the skirt of her dress, "Juvia...likes to think that we never really die, but…" she gazed back up at the sky. There had been a new moon several nights ago, and now a sliver of curved lunar light had begun to appear from its shadows.

"But?" Gray prompted her, eyes fixed on the sky as well.

"But, maybe when we die…Juvia thinks, that is, it's a nice thought that…we get to see everyone whom we've loved again." At least she hoped so – she really hoped so. "Maybe…there's lots of happiness. Lots of forgiveness."

Gray didn't respond this time, and Juvia felt her cheeks flood with white-hot embarrassment as the silence between the two expanded. In her mind those words had genuinely summed up how she really felt, but once she had said them she wished she could take them back.

'_How childish Juvia is_!' She scolded herself. Too optimistic, too naïve, she could just bang her head against the heel of her palm over and over. Her fingers twitched in her lap, and Juvia found herself having to dig her nails into fists in order to control them.

"Sorry Gray-sama, Juvia sounds so silly, please don't mind her, tell Juv – " she turned to look at the male beside her and almost fainted. Gray's body was positioned towards her and he had leaned in ever so closely, but that wasn't what caught Juvia off guard.

It was how he was looking at her, even in the darkness.

Gray's eyes latched onto hers, and Juvia held his gaze. Oh gods, Gray Fullbuster was truly a work of art. Thick, dark, wind-beaten hair, the quirk of a scar on his forehead, and the perfect symmetrical slope of his cheekbones and jaw…her voice was lost to her and she almost choked as he seemed to inch ever so closer, until she swore she smelled the ale on his breath.

"G-Gray-sama?" her voice was barely above a whisper but that was all it took to break Gray out of his reverie. Eyes wide and blinking, his face flushed a deep, shocking red, and the mage pulled away and jumped to his feet, knocking the empty bottle over in the process.

"You should get to bed – you've got to be up early tomorrow. I'll walk you to the door, okay?"

Nodding, Juvia climbed to her feet, being sure to pick up the jacket Gray had discarded. They walked up to the front door, Juvia still feeling sillier than ever, clutching the jacket to her bosom in her hand as she fished for her apartment keys with the other.

"Thank-you for walking Juvia back, Gray-sama," she handed him back his jacket once she had found her keys.

Gray accepted the jacket back hesitantly, watching as Juvia opened the door and began to walk inside the brightly lit building. She had refused to look him in the eye.

"Juvia – !"

Warm light bathed them both in a gentle glow.

"Yes, Gray-sama?" she clutched the doorway, turning to face him this time.

Gray licked his drying lips, and found now he was the one who couldn't look her in the eye.

"It wasn't silly. What you said," he clarified, cheeks heating up once more, "I like that thought as well."

Juvia's face broke out into a large smile.

"R-really?!"

Gray nodded, eyes flashing back to look at her before breaking away. He shuffled his feet, wiped his nose with the back of his forearm. They stood just like that, Juvia smiling, a halo of light encompassing her as Gray felt himself fill with a little bit more warmth than what he had become accustomed to.

"Will…Juvia see Gray-sama before she leaves with Gajeel-kun tomorrow?"

Gray nodded again, his own lips quirking as the girl in front of him smiled even wider if possible.

"Goodnight, Gray-sama."

"Goodnight, Juvia."

She shut the heavy wooden door between them with one last look. The light was now gone, but the warmth remained. Gray stood there for several more minutes until his legs found use again. Shrugging on his jacket, he began his own journey home.

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><p><strong>Notes<strong>:

Thank-you all for reading! Please be sure to review and tell me what you think so far of the direction this is heading, I always love to hear your thoughts! They tend to inspire me greater than my own ideas. xx


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